FAKING IT

We’ve all heard the line “fake it til you make it.”  It’s a phrase used to describe the concept that people can be successful by pretending to have the confidence, ability or optimism they may not currently have.  The idea is that by acting like you know what you’re doing, you can eventually gain the skills you need to achieve your goals.

I’ve used it in a number of situations like getting a degree, buying my first house by age 25, and losing 35 pounds in six months.  When I wanted to lose the weight, I tried to act and feel like a person who weighed 165 pounds (my goal weight).  I was able to change my eating and exercise habits enough to lose the weight.  The more I lost the more confidence I gained and the less I had to fake it.  Even before I reached my goal weight, the need to fake it became less and less necessary and my new authentic slimmer self was born.

The key to the success of this method lies in knowing that faking it til you make it is just a tool and a temporary one at that.  You are meant to use it only until faking it becomes real.  If you don’t have a belief that this is achievable eventually or if your actions feel “fake,” you probably won’t have success with this method. 

Well gee Brian, how can I “fake it” without it feeling fake?  Great question.  Treat it like an experiment or a fun game.  Like a role in a play or just something you are curious to see what will happen.  You have to come at it with a light attitude.  If all your hopes and dreams are tied to this or you are desperate to achieve it, the energy will not be one of attraction.  You will be in the awareness that this is all fake and will never be real.

The other side of this coin is just staying in fake mode even though you’re not seen any results.  This can take the form of toxic positivity or a kind of delusion where you convince yourself that everything is working out and is just great even though you are not moving forward or showing any significant progress towards your goals. 

The degree to which people can delude or lie to themselves is astounding and a little scary.  I have done this myself.  I spent 30 years in a toxic relationship and managed to convince myself that everything was perfect and I was happy.  It was only after I managed to wake up that I realized the degree to which I had lied to myself and saw only what I wanted to see to protect my version of reality.

This is an extreme example and the problems arising from chronic “faking” are usually a lot tamer but can still cause problems and prevent you from becoming who you want to be.  One example is the toxic positivity I mentioned.  This looks like always saying that everything is great or perfect when things are anything but.  It’s easy to make this mistake because part of faking it is maintaining a positive outlook.  But there is a difference between a positive outlook and ignoring problems that need to be addressed.  Ignoring problems or pushing down uncomfortable feelings will just result in them popping up later ten times worse and at the most inconvenient time.  The solution is to admit, at least to yourself, that no, everything isn’t okay, but it’s just a phase or part of the cycle of life, soon to be replaced by an upswing.  Or that maybe you feel stressed or anxious but that you know you have the ability to self sooth and can work through it.  You must be able to discern the difference between a part you are playing from the lie you are telling yourself.

Are you “faking it til you make it” or just faking it?