LESS IS MORE

I saw a post on social media the other day that was asking the question, what is better, more positive thinking or less negative thinking.  My first gut reaction was that obviously more positivity is better, right?  Maybe not.  Clearly striving for more positive thoughts in your life will be beneficial and, let's face it, they feel better.  But I have now come to the conclusion that negative thoughts are more damaging than positive thoughts are beneficial.

Before we get into the nitty gritty, let's clarify the difference between negative thoughts and “negative" feelings.  In my opinion, feelings are neutral.  We assign the word negative to all those icky feelings we don't really care for, like sadness, heartbreak, anger or fear.  But all feelings are just a message that something that is happening needs our attention.  They are neither good nor bad, positive or negative.  When we say a feeling is negative, all we're really doing is describing how we feel about it.  But feelings on their own are neutral.  As Esther Hicks teaches, we can't know what we want until we know what we don't want.

Negative thoughts, on the other hand, serve no useful purpose.  On top of that, most of our negative thoughts aren't true.  They are mostly our insecurities and fears manifesting as thoughts.  And they are lies.  The mind is not a reliable source of information.  It's great for new ideas, analyzing and inspiration but unbiased facts are really not its strong suit.  It will tell you you're not good enough, that you don't deserve it, that you can't do it.  And we believe it.

According to Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, it takes at least three positive experiences for every negative one to become more resilient to adversity.  This illustrates the power of negative thoughts over positive ones.  They are three times more impactful on our mindset.  It therefore stands to reason that eliminating negative thoughts will have more of an impact on our lives.  This does not make positive thoughts obsolete.  We absolutely need to maintain an overall positive mindset if we wish to have a happy and fulfilling life.  But you will get more bang for your buck when trying to improve your mindset if you focus more on getting rid of the negative thoughts, especially if it’s habitual.

So how do we go about having fewer negative thoughts?  It's not the easiest thing to do.  But if we start by observing our thoughts and becoming more aware of when we are having them and how frequently, we can make a significant change in the way we think and how we view our lives and the world. 

We can start the process by realizing that our thoughts are not something that is happening to us.  We are not being sent negative thoughts from some outside source.  This is great news.  It means that we are in control of what we think.  I know.  Experientially it can feel like these thoughts are being placed in our head and that we can't stop them.  But by applying a little mindfulness, we can start to influence the type of thoughts we are experiencing.  What exactly is mindfulness?  Basically, it’s just a fancy way to say pay attention to what is going on in your head.  When your mind tells you that you are not good enough, question it.  Who says I'm not good enough?  Is that my insecurity talking?  Is my ego just trying to keep me in my safe little box?  Why am I listening to you?

Become more aware when the voice starts in on you.  When you notice it happening, just stop.  Cut that thought off in mid-sentence.  Do not lend it any more of your attention.  Redirect your thoughts to something more positive.  Think about how you would react if an actual person was standing in front of you and telling you these things.  Would you just stand there and take it?  Or would you just walk away?  Would you allow that person access to you if they kept putting you down like that? 

Your next step is to do a little self-reflection.  Go back over your history and recall those times when you were good enough.  This is not the time to be modest.  I am guilty of making my accomplishments smaller in meaning and my mistakes larger.  But we all have moments where we shine.  Were you the first person in your family to go to college?  Are you a single parent who raised a child all on your own?  Did you beat out 15 other people for that job you really wanted?  You will be surprised how quickly these wins stack up.  This is an important exercise because it establishes that you have been good enough and now you have the proof in writing.  Keeping this knowledge in the forefront of your mind will build your confidence and make it easier to ignore these negative thoughts as just idle chatter that your mind comes up with.

Another method is the reframe.  Let’s say that harsh inner voice is telling you that you can’t possibly start a business.  You’ve never done that before.  You don’t know the first thing about running a business.  This may even be true.  But a quick reframe might go something like this.  I’ve never started a business before but there are a number of things that I have accomplished that I had never done before.  There are literally thousands of resources available to anyone about how to start a business.  I can learn.  I can talk to other people who have done it.  I just need to take it one step at a time and have faith in myself.

Finally, you can use appreciation to supplement the reframe process.  Sometimes it can be difficult to eliminate a bad habit from your life.  It’s often easier to add a positive habit than to get rid of a negative one.  That’s where appreciation comes in.  According to Esther Hicks and the teachings of Abraham, the highest frequency you can embody is appreciation.  It carries the same vibration as love.  Anyone, no matter their current situation, can find a few things to appreciate.  Even if your life is currently at rock bottom, you can still appreciate that you are breathing, that you can walk, that you can see.  These are things most of us take for granted as a given but if you’ve ever gone any length of time without the use of your legs or your hand, for example, you will learn just how much you appreciate having them. 

Appreciation is a habit and its effects are cumulative.  The more you practice it, the more you benefit from it.  And the more you do it, the easier it becomes to continue doing it.  If you get stuck or have problems finding things to appreciate, I highly recommend you do a YouTube search on Esther Hicks Rampage of Appreciation and watch one.  I guarantee you will feel appreciative after listening. 

I believe that negative self-talk is one of the main causes of being unhappy with your life and not achieving the success you crave.  If you did nothing else but address this one issue, your life would improve exponentially.  It is completely in your control, takes very little time to implement and is so simple. 

Try it.  It will be one more thing you can appreciate.